


Of Madness and Remorse

by Eadwine63



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: M/M, it's canon, it's not my fault it's angsty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-27
Updated: 2015-01-27
Packaged: 2018-03-09 09:16:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 878
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3244298
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eadwine63/pseuds/Eadwine63
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When the Company voice their concerns, Bilbo can only nod his consent. He cannot pretend he knows how to solve the problem, or cure it even if he had the solution in his pocket. <br/>This is an exploration of Bilbo and his thoughts/feelings about Thorin's madness.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Of Madness and Remorse

**Author's Note:**

> The title is meaningless... I feel like there's a better story I could write for this title. An actual story.   
> This was supposed to portray Bilbo's feelings and thoughts when Thorin slips further into madness...   
> And somehow I couldn't keep myself from writing the rest of it. T___T

“I’m concerned for him.” They’ve all told Bilbo, be it with words or a simple look directed towards him. When they voice their concerns, Bilbo can’t do anything but nod his consent. He cannot pretend he can make it better, even if he were to have a cure in his pocket. 

He fiddles with the Arkenstone when his friends of the Company confide in him. He knows he has to get it as far away from Thorin’s blazing, searching eyes as possible, but it feels like the worst kind of betrayal. Traitorous behaviour is not in his nature, especially not when it’s about someone he’s come to care about deeply. He wonders whether it’s really the best option. Thorin will continue to search, will continue to slip away. Yet Bilbo knows for a fact that handing over the precious stone will not change Thorin back to his old self. He’s afraid the Dwarf-King is completely out of his reach, when he accuses one of his own of stealing what Bilbo hides from him. 

He feels guilty, even more so when Thorin puts a hand on his shoulder and tells him that at least he’s able to trust Bilbo. That at least Bilbo is loyal. He feels his heart break when Thorin, lost to the madness, still sees fit to present him with the most attentive gifts and the greatest words, the brightest of smiles. He forgot what it’s like to see Thorin smile and Bilbo cannot refuse his friend anything, not even when he’s so far away from the Dwarf he met in Bag End. 

And still, Bilbo betrays Thorin. He betrays the Dwarf he carries in his heart, for his own good, of course. He wouldn’t even think of doing anything to cross Thorin – but it’s still viewed as treason when he admits to stealing the Arkenstone. A true burglar he is. 

Bilbo forgot how small he is in the company of Thorin Oakenshield. A simple Hobbit, even though they call him Master Burglar. He’s a simple Hobbit from the Shire, not an adventurer who is fit to be in the company of a King. He forgot how easy it would be for Thorin to lift him up and dangle him over the edge of the balcony, as if he’s nothing but a rag doll. Both of their hands tremble and then, Thorin hesitates. He hesitates in between his spiteful words and Bilbo somehow manages to pick up on that emotion in his eyes; let go, or hold on. He held on, only to let Bilbo go. He hadn’t realised how much it would hurt to be sent away; out of their Company, out of his presence. 

The moment he sees Thorin charge into battle is the moment a heavy weight has been lifted from his heart. It doesn’t mean much, but it means something at least. They’re fighting, joining the others on the battlefield. Bilbo has little time to wonder about Thorin’s madness or what passed between them, but even if he does stop to think about it, he finds it makes no change. He forgives Thorin, for the Dwarf who threatened to kill him was not the Thorin he knew to begin with, and hopes he’ll be forgiven for his treason one day. He hopes he still has a friend in Thorin. 

The look on the Dwarf-King’s face already shows Bilbo the change he longed to see. He knows Thorin has come to his senses, at least somewhat. He sees remorse in his eyes. He sees pain, but then again pain has always been visible in Thorin’s eyes when you really looked. He’d been a stubborn creature, a proud one, but Bilbo had seen the years of exile written in those eyes. Thorin whispers his name in surprise; a kind of surprise that does not merely stem from the fact his Master Burglar appeared seemingly out of nowhere. There is no time for proper reconciliation, nor for explanations. There are no apologies and there is no forgiveness just yet, but it’s of no concern to either of them because they know in their hearts there are no words needed to know how they stand. 

Bilbo barely remembers the fight, now that he kneels next to Thorin and listens to those ridiculous words and the ridiculous pleas of parting in friendship, when Bilbo feels like there’s been so much more that has passed between them than simple friendship. He does not want to part at all, even if it is in friendship. He cannot go home to his books and his armchair like nothing has changed, like the prospect of Thorin’s death isn’t changing him right now. He’s so scared. 

“You’re not going to die now, Thorin Oakenshield.” 

Bilbo’s hands are soaked in blood and still he keeps pressing, keeps the bleeding under supposed control. Thorin’s eyes slowly become devoid of pain, but Bilbo still suffers. He hears Thorin gasp, even if it’s a mere whisper of air passing through his lips. He wants to tell him to hang on, that he’s going to be alright, even if it’s to soothe his own pending grief. He wants to tell him to stay, because he’s got a home too now. 

“The eagles … Thorin, the eagles are here.”


End file.
